If you have ever been in a bike accident when your head contact with the ground then you most likely know how the dreams can tied you down.

In last few days my skull felt like it was trying to exit my body through the skin. I feel I have been underwater for the past 5 days and my mind's been turned backward.I was just living in my head thoughts, outside my body, feeling like being on funfair ride, but without fun and couldn't step off. I was recording things and situation happening throughout my life. I was walking this footpath trying to choose right signpost to create better me. 


I arrived  to the edge of a cliff, I get pushed in many times. This occurs on days when I got judged. This occurs edges When I have been asked on my occasion: Why don't you accept the love ? the question goes..

Many times I need to ask myself this question, to restore my fight. The question rubs at the sore of my core. I suppose the only means of answering the question is to experience it. But its hurt - full.

Somewhere in your childhood or past., someone managed to convince you that you are less and then it is hard to accept the love. You accept less because you have distorted image of yourself that blocks you from accepting the love. Maybe you accept less because you grew up without your love ones. And then it is hard to forgive yourself for messing up, where you cannot return to your natural state of being self love, where you will naturally want to treat yourself and others with the care and respect they deserve. Then you start worry. That you are not too nice, because you are trying to compensate for the how horrible you really are at your core. I worry my loveless are always going to keep me cut off from the very source of joy and beauty. I am worry that I won't take the feelings of the ones who expressed they care for me more seriously. I am worry that I am falling behind in every way. You accept the love you think you deserve. The love you  deserve you think is nothing but a reflection of the image you have of yourself.

But if you are reading this, wherever you are, whoever you might be, remember: You accept the love you think you deserve. And you deserve more. The love, take the time and patience to understand as fully as possible.

The people who do thoughtful, kind, unexpected things the ones bringing support and love, offering cherry understanding are the rocks. Appreciate their presence no matter what.