Repost from Monday 20 pull ups to Tour de Yorkshire. But struggling with exhaustion after bike crash on Monday. Then I crash and peacefully slept 2 days with some dreams considered across years. I am happy to share them with you.
Many of us have a dreams ( in the dream), unable to do in waking life. This case of dreams series considered across years. I have several of dreams over years but this one keeps on and on.
I keep walking through a ridges in mountains covered with snow. Being chased by threatening characters who never quiet caught up to me. The ridges I passed through in this dream are always the same, with the exception of new areas opening up in each dreams. The ridge is very steep covered with ice and those characters trying to stop me. But my interest in exploring new landscape, stays active inside of my head. Pushed towards of my desire to explore more options and obstacles to deal with my negative thinking and feelings of misery keeps me on going. Winning is the fulfilment of walking in the middle of nowhere, taking risk, being free and being myself, not following any footpath, just myself choosing which ever way to go. The footpath is covered with snow, the trail where there are no paths to find out, What am I after ? What is objective of all ? Is it achieving the targets or moving towards them ? Is it a runaway from choosing to invite others into my live that I am not ? Is it a runaway from going through the motion ? Is it a runaway from those who hurt me or those who trying to fix my fears ? Maybe its being afraid to love anything fully and live completely.
The fear doesn't exist in this snowy place that I am arriving at. Out of sight. Out of mind and for a while I can get off on the absence. The emotional tie run deeper in this place. The sense of self - doubt creeps in. And it's like trying to grab something new with full hands and cannot figure out why I am dropping it. The runaway wears away the present. Pain can be avoid. I wouldn't stick around here for too long because the going of my fears gets tough, trying to catch me. On these blank footpaths I won't get present or unfinished memories all of my sweet plans and dedication that I have promised with my lips, because here I don't have the sense of pride I used to have. And I run into infinitely more. I run further, harder, faster to avoid the pain I am carrying with myself. I am running to land where unfinished wounds stop bleed from the same scratch.
The snow is too deep and it harder it becomes, to lift up each foot. And it harder it becomes to find the way back. Now I am here, without others, without assistance, without external help, trying to conquer the mountain. Trying to not to fail. But instead I will try to take an action, no matter how small the steps may be right now. I will try to allow the sensations to be in my body and progress in the improvement that is hard to do in waking life..